New Stuff
It’s Time For A Vacation
It’s that time of year again, when school is out and we plan a nice vacation that hopefully doesn’t end in any kind of death or mutilation for us and all of our friends. To make sure your trip goes as smoothly as possible, here are five steps to follow from a reliable source: Hollywood slasher movies.
More Online Dating Shenanigans
It used to be that if you wanted to find a romantic partner you were limited to the small pool of people that went to your high school or lived in your town. If you couldn’t find your ideal mate at the local malt shop, you were out of luck. There were also some things called “going steady,” “petting” and “reefer madness.” It was a dark and confusing time. Internet dating has changed all that, promising databases with thousands of available singles, and the ability to quickly and accurately match clients with their ideal mates. Word of mouth has spread from people who have successfully met their partners online; those of us who are too busy to meet people normally, leave the house, or maintain our personal appearances have sat up and taken notice. I recently went to the popular Internet dating site Match.com to see if I could find my ideal woman. Failing that, I would see if I could find any woman. I’ve documented my story below:
Keep reading…
A Few Words That Don’t Mean What You Think
The English language is under assault by stupid people who use words they don’t understand, and is defended by pompous asses who like to correct those people. I’m not sure who to side with. So, here are some words that you’ll see used incorrectly on a daily basis, and a helpful guide as to just how big of a dick you’d have to be to correct people on it.
A Series Of Letters To The First Girl I Ever Fingered
Dear Emily,
Hi! How are you? I hope this letter finds you well. I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I’m the guy who fingered you at sleepaway camp.
Anyway, I was just thinking about that, so I thought I would write and see how everything turned out with you.
Your Friend (kind of),
John
The 11 Most Unintentionally Gay Rap Lyrics Ever
With all of the negative press surrounding hip-hop music, rappers often complain about the media taking their lyrics out of context, to make them seem more violent or misogynistic than they really are.
As a journalistic institution built on a foundation of honesty and integrity, Sparks Of Sanity would never stoop to such lows. But take those lyrics out of context to make them sound gay? I’m on it. Keep reading…
