The Rant:

So… this blog goes out to all woman and men…. News flash guys, women don’t understand you, but the truth is….

I don’t think we are suppose to because you are all fuc*ed up! Plus we are polar opposites! Or is it women that are fuc*ed up??
Ladies, have you ever met a man that treats you like a sexual goddess one night, or for a few nights, maybe years, and then doesn’t contact you or disconnects from you for weeks? Or maybe you have a few incredible weeks of mind-blowing high-grade passionate sexual trysts and then he falls off the face of the earth? You have no idea what you did wrong and you spend far too much time thinking about it.

You might be dating, married or in a relationship with an AMBIVALENT man!
Being with an AMBIVALENT man makes it harder for us to evolve when in fact; the ‘relationship’ has already ended far before it has ever begun. We spend days, weeks, years analyzing what we did wrong to cause these mixed signals or his confusing behavior. We may constantly seek reassurance because we never know where we rank because of the various indications and double messages that are being sent our way.

Being with an AMBIVALENT man, with his unpredictable behavior, will make you feel rejected and abandoned, leading you to panic, get needy and/or cling to him. We tend to call, pursue or even spy on him in unhealthy ways. Getting involved with an AMBIVALENT man makes you feel so crazy because his behavior is so illogical and confusing. Since we do not understand his unpredictable behavior we over analyze everything that takes and took place between you and him. We end up attacking ourselves and feeling guilty about things we said or did, that normally we wouldn’t give two shits about. Chances are, we did nothing wrong! Relax, it is mostly his issues! After all, all you did is care for him and open yourself up; making yourself available to him for whatever his needs may be or may have been. Ladies, we are good at this part, take the blame… We did it….

we made the AMBIVALENT man go crazy! Why you ask?
Well, the way I see it….this AMBIVALENT man is most likely charming, sophisticated, artistic, highly intelligent, but usually emotionally immature. They are usually totally absorbed in their own needs and wants and are incapable of being sensitive to our needs. Your man might be looking for gratification sexually, financially or emotionally. He wants gratification in ways he is not sure of and that makes his behavior illogical. If and when he doesn’t feed his need, whatever it may be, he moves on and emotionally distances himself.

This kind of AMBIVALENT ‘boy’ can be described as infantile, and he may have failed to develop psychosexually. He sees us as an extension of himself and not as an individual capable of complimenting and completing him. Once you both get close, to close, he will more often then not, panic. He will feel engulfed, vulnerable, or swallowed up if we become too clingy. Then, he disappears or distances himself again. AMBIVALENT men hate to feel needy. They are terrified and if he starts to fall in love/like, and feels dependant upon someone, he will soon ‘leave’ because he will feel the panic and shame of his own vulnerability and neediness. An AMBIVALENT man is operating on such a limited emotional level. He might not be capable of compassion or empathy because he’s only thinking about what is in it for him. He might not be genuinely nurturing or caring. In short also, he just might not give a Fu*k! This man will send mixed messages and will be inconsistent. He will be passionate but will not find time to be with you, or only at his convenience. He will act as though he likes you, will lie to you and then manipulate you. He, of course, will not admit that he is incapable of a wonderfully loving relationship. But the truth is he may never be.

Here are some signs I think that might mean you are in a relationship/marriage with an AMBIVALENT man:
He will tell you he loves you or really cares about you early on, you might get married or speed date really quickly but then he starts a relationship with another woman

• He will tell you that he misses you but does not make any time or very little ‘quality’ time to be with you
• He is sexually completely compatible with you, but then seems distant or business-like with you the next time you are together
• He is not the aggressor
• He doesn’t call when he says he will
• He is involved with another, perhaps multiple woman, yet wants to be in a relationship with only you
• He cancels dates or has lack of imagination on ‘dates’ or is almost always late
• He stands you up
• He and you have intense, soulful and meaningful conversations where you feel only you and him exist in this world, but then he acts cold the next time you speak
• He disappears from your life, sometimes weeks at a time or takes lengthy trips, and then when you reconnect, he doesn’t want to talk about it and acts like nothing happened…..
It might be too late if you are married to an AMBIVALENT man, love an AMBIVALENT man, or are obsessed with one! Can you really ever trust one?
Don’t blame yourself, don’t make yourself sick over it, don’t cry every night, don’t help him, he needs to do it on his own, don’t over analyze your actions, don’t chase him because he will only run further away from you, don’t try to change him-it is not going to happen and you need to try to set limits for yourself….

If you want to be with this kind of man or feel you need to work things out, you need to know that you just have to accept him as he is and know he may never be capable of loving you the way you truly want to be loved. Will he ever be capable? Who knows, just know….It is not his fault.

One last thing ….

we should not blame ourselves and remember this…
“Men vacations” are bullsh*t, chances are he is out screwing one of your friends, or hiding his gay lover. Video game players, we know, we know, you just aren’t that into us right now… we will be waiting here for you when you return from Splinter Cell, Madden NFL or Call of Duty. Working late tonight or are you playing poker with the boys in the back office or whacking off to computer porn? Credit card charges, we know, you needed to schmooze a new client for….

for what?! Strange phone calls at odd times, tell those Ukrainian bastards to stop calling us from the local area code! Are you hungry? Go pick up your own dinner and while you are at it, wipe your own ass too!

Which is the biggest loss for you? Giving up this relationship with a non-committal man, or the loss of frustration and rejection you face in your life… Oh yeah…. thats not you… Your phone is not ringing…The choice is yours but now you know.

The Retort:

Manbivalence. Yes, I’ve coined it. Pay me royalties.

I love when people attempt to pigeon hole someone based on their (usually limited) concept of what a relationship involves. More than that, however, I love reading contrite arguments by people that pretend to have a firm grasp of psychology yet its most basic precepts seem to be quite allusive. This entire rant is contingent on the fact that men are merely 2 dimensional creatures that exist for no other reason than your emotional/sexual/psychological gratification. This, however, is clearly not the case. Men, contrary to popular societal stigma, are very complex creatures. We have lives. We have obligations (which aren’t always inclusive of you). Think of it like this: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Stupid. It’s this exact type of drivel that perpetuates the myth that all we want is sex, video games, and beer. With that being said, allow me to offer up another option: you’re psychotic.

Being possessive coupled with delusionality (I know, that’s not even a word) makes people sound like they’re two short steps away from Fatal Attraction (and I speak primarily about the “We tend to call, pursue or even SPY on him in unhealthy ways” line. Really? Spy? And you wonder why he’s distant?)

For no other reason than I’m at work and bored, I will systematically eviscerate the lovely use of bullet points where the “signs” that you’re in a relationship with someone “ambivalent” are so eloquently laid out.

• “He will tell you he loves you or really cares about you early on, you might get married or speed date really quickly but then he starts a relationship with another woman.” - This is called cheating. Not ambivalence.

• “He will tell you that he misses you but does not make any time or very little ‘quality’ time to be with you.” - This called avoidance. Not ambivalence.

• “He is sexually completely compatible with you, but then seems distant or business-like with you the next time you are together.” - This is called distraction. Not ambivalence.

• “He is not the aggressor.” - This is called respect. Not ambivalence.

• “He doesn’t call when he says he will.” - This is called life. Not ambivalence.

• “He is involved with another, perhaps multiple women, yet wants to be in a relationship with only you.” - See bullet point number one. This is called redundancy. Not ambivalence. Don’t be redundant when attempting to make a point.

• “He cancels dates or has lack of imagination on ‘dates’ or is almost always late.” - These are called lack of imagination and tardiness. Not ambivalence.

• “He stands you up.” - These are called obligations. Not ambivalence.

• “He and you have intense, soulful and meaningful conversations where you feel only you and him exist in this world, but then he acts cold the next time you speak.” - This is called having things on your mind. Not ambivalence.

• “He disappears from your life, sometimes weeks at a time or takes lengthy trips, and then when you reconnect, he doesn’t want to talk about it and acts like nothing happened.” - This is called the truth. Not ambivalence. Usually, “nothing happened” is the truth.

Ambivalence is described as the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions. I’m not entirely sure that “ambivalent” was the correct term to use here. It seems like this post’s author is describing someone that’s indifferent. In fact, she seems to be more “ambivalent” than that person/people she’s attempting to describe. It’s truly amazing how people turn into emperors in the realm of retrospect. Clearly, this was written by a woman out of anger and confusion. Invariably, this is something that should have stayed in the pages of a diary.