It’s that time of year again, when school is out and we plan a nice vacation that hopefully doesn’t end in any kind of death or mutilation for us and all of our friends. To make sure your trip goes as smoothly as possible, here are five steps to follow from a reliable source: Hollywood slasher movies.

Continue reading this post…

It used to be that if you wanted to find a romantic partner you were limited to the small pool of people that went to your high school or lived in your town. If you couldn’t find your ideal mate at the local malt shop, you were out of luck. There were also some things called “going steady,” “petting” and “reefer madness.” It was a dark and confusing time. Internet dating has changed all that, promising databases with thousands of available singles, and the ability to quickly and accurately match clients with their ideal mates. Word of mouth has spread from people who have successfully met their partners online; those of us who are too busy to meet people normally, leave the house, or maintain our personal appearances have sat up and taken notice. I recently went to the popular Internet dating site Match.com to see if I could find my ideal woman. Failing that, I would see if I could find any woman. I’ve documented my story below:
Continue reading this post…

The English language is under assault by stupid people who use words they don’t understand, and is defended by pompous asses who like to correct those people. I’m not sure who to side with. So, here are some words that you’ll see used incorrectly on a daily basis, and a helpful guide as to just how big of a dick you’d have to be to correct people on it.

Continue reading this post…

So check it. I was just directed to a post written by someone that I know pretty well. And, although I may not agree with a single thing written, I’m not such a dick as to publically thrash her. So, the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

This post has been broken down into two parts. The first being her inital rant. The second being my retort. Read. Enjoy. Continue reading this post…

According to statistics, the average person lies 7,500 times a day. Or something. I’m not sure of the actual figure, but when you’re writing a post it’s essential to sound authoritative in your opening sentence, so I lied about it. In truth (get it?) it seems like this is a theme for several people in my life as of late. It seems like people get all bent out of shape when their on the receiving end of a lie. And I just don’t get that. The important thing is this: everyone lies. We can’t handle the truth.

I’m no exception to the lying-human-scumbag rule; in fact I probably tell more lies than most. Usually they are standard white lies - compliments, mainly, although pretty much any statement that implies I give a fuck about anyone other than myself is almost certainly untrue. I’d also class the majority of my facial expressions as white lies: occasional looks of concern, fixed masks of rapt concentration, smiles, you name it - all absolute fucking lies. If it were socially acceptable to do so, I’d walk around looking as blank as Tom Welling. So go fuck off. Fend for yourselves. Continue reading this post…