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A Series Of Letters To The First Girl I Ever Fingered
Dear Emily,
Hi! How are you? I hope this letter finds you well. I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I’m the guy who fingered you at sleepaway camp.
Anyway, I was just thinking about that, so I thought I would write and see how everything turned out with you.
Your Friend (kind of),
John
The 11 Most Unintentionally Gay Rap Lyrics Ever
With all of the negative press surrounding hip-hop music, rappers often complain about the media taking their lyrics out of context, to make them seem more violent or misogynistic than they really are.
As a journalistic institution built on a foundation of honesty and integrity, Sparks Of Sanity would never stoop to such lows. But take those lyrics out of context to make them sound gay? I’m on it. Continue reading this post…
Manbivalence
So check it. I was just directed to a post written by someone that I know pretty well. And, although I may not agree with a single thing written, I’m not such a dick as to publically thrash her. So, the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
This post has been broken down into two parts. The first being her inital rant. The second being my retort. Read. Enjoy. Continue reading this post…
I’m A Liar.
According to statistics, the average person lies 7,500 times a day. Or something. I’m not sure of the actual figure, but when you’re writing a post it’s essential to sound authoritative in your opening sentence, so I lied about it. In truth (get it?) it seems like this is a theme for several people in my life as of late. It seems like people get all bent out of shape when their on the receiving end of a lie. And I just don’t get that. The important thing is this: everyone lies. We can’t handle the truth.
I’m no exception to the lying-human-scumbag rule; in fact I probably tell more lies than most. Usually they are standard white lies - compliments, mainly, although pretty much any statement that implies I give a fuck about anyone other than myself is almost certainly untrue. I’d also class the majority of my facial expressions as white lies: occasional looks of concern, fixed masks of rapt concentration, smiles, you name it - all absolute fucking lies. If it were socially acceptable to do so, I’d walk around looking as blank as Tom Welling. So go fuck off. Fend for yourselves. Continue reading this post…
What Makes A Successful Relationship?
Check it. Lance over at Honey and Lance asked me to write a little blurb on what I think makes for a successful relationship. Granted, I’ve yet to have a successful relationship so I’m not entirely sure how apt a topic this is for me, but I’ve gone ahead and put together a little thought on what I think it takes. Take a trip over to his site and check it out. If you’re too lazy like I am, here’s the reply. Although, some of the other guest writers there have some really fucking stupid great ideas. Here it is, folks:
As anyone that’s ever been in a relationship will tell you, the definition of a successful one is where she dies before you do. I could easily give 40 different esoteric answers on how to fix/develop/find decent relationships. But that’s useless. So I’ll give you a single answer that will keep you and your partner together forever. The key to any good relationship is to know when to shut. the. fuck. up. Continue reading this post…
